Several weeks ago, in our Grace Lutheran Mental Health Team meeting, Bekah Hirt shared a list of self-affirmations. As a healthcare provider, I am familiar with the concept of self-affirmations, but I am not very good at it, personally. When initially confronted with the list, the one that stood out to me the most was #4 on the list; “I am so grateful for the life that I have lived and the life that is to come.” For some reason, it resonated with me.  I’ve been contemplating WHY this one grabbed me so.  I think it’s because, as I age, I can now look back and see how God’s hand has been at work in my life.  Both when I knew He was and when I wondered where He was…

The Bible verse that I kept coming back to over and over again as I pondered this affirmation is Psalms 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God.” When I slow down enough, and make the time to meditate on His Word, I am able to be grateful for all that God has done and is still doing in my life.

I am grateful for the life I have lived thus far, not because I created it, but because God LED me TO and THROUGH what has created my life thus far:  Growing up in small town Iowa with awesome neighbors and friends and family within an hour away. Playing with my cousins and extended family get-togethers. Regularly attending church, not just my home Lutheran church, but hanging out with the Baptist youth group in town and learning from friends of differing faith traditions. Losing my grandfather at the age of 9, being exposed to his illness and evenings spent at the University of Iowa hospital while my parents visited him likely helped to mold me into my future career as a nurse. Spending 4 years at college at the University of Iowa and finding and losing love there. Moving out on my own to Missouri in a critical care internship program. Discovering that Brian was more than a friend, but a life-partner. Getting married and moving to 3 states in 5 years, learning new ways of doing things in my career and making new friends at each stop along the way. Finally, putting down roots in Minnesota and attending Grace Lutheran Church and developing friends that are like family in the area.  Finding I loved working in the pre-op and post-op anesthesia care unit. Knowing the deep loss of miscarriage and then the incredible joy upon having our first son, Carl. Dealing with depression.  Discovering that Small Groups at church is so much more than I ever thought it could be. Navigating marital tension with a counselor, then thriving. Feeling our way through 2 more miscarriages and enduring Brian’s first deployment for 15 months to Afghanistan. Needing to reduce my work hours and learning to rely on our church family and our own families to help us through what felt like a lifetime apart. Welcoming a 2^nd healthy son, Isaac, to our family. Being a stay-at-home mom for a bit. Encouragement to go back to graduate school to become a nurse practitioner. Learning how to manage patients with chronic pain as a clinician. Surviving Brian’s 2^nd overseas deployment to Kuwait, this one 11 months long with 2 young boys. Transition with Brian’s retirement after 17 years of full-time service with the MN National Guard and starting a 2^nd career with a medical device company and seeing him excel.  Moving to a new home. Launching our eldest son to college. Being excited (and a bit sad) to see our babies become young men of purpose and full of promise. Watching our parents age and worrying about kids AND parents. AND SO MUCH MORE…highlights and lowlights and laughs and tears and just regular days. Lots and lots of just regular days.

EACH of the days God has given me have helped me to grow, to learn, to love and to look forward to the life that is ahead, WHATEVER that may hold. Experiencing depression, anxiety and my own short course of chronic pain has molded me into an empathetic clinician. Realizing that the despair of miscarriage also brought us our sons Carl and Isaac. Although I’d never choose to experience pregnancy loss, I can now look back and see that it resulted in the family we were meant to have. Finally, knowing, really KNOWING that when this earthly life is over, I have eternity to spend in heaven.   That, my friends, is awesome!  

I encourage you to take some time to Be still, and to know that He IS God. –“I am so grateful for the life that I have lived and the life that is to come.” This photo, taken in August 2020 along the North Shore assisted in my mediation on being still and experiencing God’s presence in and around my life for this devotion.