I learned a couple of months ago that I had a half-sister that I never knew about. The information came to me as a huge surprise through my youngest son. He had received a Facebook message from a girl who had attended the same college as him. The girl identified herself as my biological father’s oldest sister’s great granddaughter. (That’s a mouthful) Anyway, her Dad had asked her to reach out to my son because they were connected through college. (And apparently through DNA) This girl told my son that her Dad had been contacted by a woman who had discovered through 23 and Me, a DNA and Ancestry Company, that she was related to her dad (and us) and she was looking to connect with, and learn about her family.
To be honest, with all the scams in our world today, I was skeptical, but as I received more information, I soon learned it to be true. My initial reaction was “I don’t need this in my life”. “Why now Lord”? This news had also brought back some pretty difficult emotional “stuff” that I had worked hard to put behind me long ago. You see, my biological father walked out on our family one day leaving behind my mother and 4 small children, all of us under the age of 5, and we never heard from him again. It had now been 60 years, so why this now, and what could I possibly tell this woman about our father, since I barely knew him? What could she want from me? I prayed and prayed and had pretty much decided to just ignore it, but there were these nagging thoughts that just wouldn’t go away. (I’m sure it was God telling me to do the right thing) I kept thinking, what if that was me, wouldn’t I want to connect with someone who was my blood relative? Wouldn’t I want to know more about who I was and where I came from? So, I finally reached out to her via e-mail. I learned that she had been adopted at birth by a couple in their late 40’s, who were now both dead, and she was an only child. She lives in a suburb of Chicago. I also learned that she was just a year younger than my youngest brother, which made me so angry. My father had left our family and almost immediately fathered another child, and then left her too. I was filled with ugly emotions and couldn’t help thinking, how could it be that this man’s blood runs through me. In my mind, my biological father was a terrible person. What kind of man does this, not once but twice and probably more times that we’re not even aware of? I struggled with these ugly thoughts for days, cried lots of tears too, but then one day it came to me, if not for him, I wouldn’t be here. If not for him, I wouldn’t have this life, I wouldn’t have my wonderful family that fills my heart with pure joy. If not for him, there would be no me. I’ve thought about my biological father from time to time almost my whole life, and I can’t say for sure if I have or can forgive him. In fact, I don’t even know if he is alive or dead. But one thing I do know is that I (and my siblings) were all part of God’s plan, and for that I am grateful. And I am forever grateful to our mother, who sacrificed so much to raise 4 children alone, and shape who we have each become as adults.
As far as my half-sister, I don’t know where our relationship will go. We occasionally e-mail one another, and I have told her that at some point when I am ready, I will call her and we can get to know each other. I’m not sure if we will ever meet face to face, only time will tell. But for now, she has shared with me that she is just so happy to have a family, which means that reaching out to her was truly the right thing to do. (Thank you, God, for giving me the courage to contact her).
I’ve learned through this journey, that no matter how painful and difficult things seem, God has a plan. He walks with us during times of sadness, anger and fear, and lifts us up when we need Him the most. We all need to talk to God and ask Him for guidance, especially during these uncertain days ahead, as the Covid Pandemic has a grip on our state, our country and our world. Stay well and Thanksgiving Blessings to you, my Grace Friends!
Kris Miller
