Let’s face it: talking about race with anyone, let alone your teenage children, is tough. If you are like me, white and raised in the 90s, you remember that race wasn’t talked about in fear that acknowledging the differences in people meant you yourself were being racist. Instead, we were taught to be “colorblind” and not see color. We wore shirts that had pithy phrases like “love has no color” and “the only race is the human race.” While this ideal was progressive for the time and did not intend on doing harm, we now know that our attempts at equality lead to white washing people and didn’t allow us to fully see one another. And so, we never talked about race and now we are uncomfortable and even are scared.
I bring to you a confession that I too have been afraid and lazy in having tough conversations with youth around race. The fear of saying the wrong thing, the belief that I didn’t know enough and even the worry that I may offend someone in an already deeply divided world kept me from having potentially meaningful conversations. For this I apologize to our youth, particularly those that have been searching for a space to have these conversations.
Last week an image of 2 high school boys mocking the death of George Floyd circled around social media. The image was deeply hurtful for people both inside and outside the African American community. While the emotional damage and pain caused to others is enough, there have been additional consequences the boys are facing including soiling the reputation of themselves, their employer and their school. These boys attend school near our church and while they are not connected to Grace, they are a part of our surrounding community.
It’s easy to think that racism happens in other areas, by other generations, and with other kinds of people. The fact of the matter is we all say and do racially insensitive things each day. Our children hear it and internalize it. Kid’s recognize our discomfort around talking about race and assume that it is wrong. We confess these sins to God and to each other. And now, I invite you to work to be and do better.
The past week has brought youth, parents and other congregational members to our door wondering what they can do. The need to give, donate, volunteer and pray is bursting from their bodies in ways that are beautiful. Yes, giving supplies for the families that no longer have access to a grocery stores in Minneapolis and St. Paul is needed. Money to help rebuild small businesses is a must. Volunteers cleaned the streets of Minneapolis and St Paul in record time and now are working to hand out food and rebuild the city. The murder site of George Floyd is filled with people of all faiths who are praying for racial justice to fill our country. These are good and needed things. But if you are a white person, one thing you can do NOW to help make a dent in the wall of institutional racism is taking time and educating yourself and your family on how white privilege has benefited your life and learn about racism in our country. Order a book (most are on back order) on racism. Read it with your spouse, children or a friend and discuss what surprised you and what made you uncomfortable. This journey, particularly if it’s new for you, is best traveled with others.
One of the words we are focusing on in youth ministry is “Justice: Service with Understanding.” Over the next weeks, months, years and beyond I promise to do better to create spaces for conversations to hear and absorb the voices of others and talk about topics that make us uncomfortable. For now, I encourage you to start the conversation about what is happening in our world, our state and our city. If you have not had these conversations, you may be surprised at how much your children have absorbed and their willingness to talk. Ask your children how they feel about the death of George Floyd. Hear what they have heard and observed over the last week. Ask them to show you something they have seen on social media and discuss it. Include grandparents in the conversation or ask an older member of your family to share what they observed in the 1960’s civil rights movement. And finally, be on the lookout for more from me and how you can broaden your understanding of racial injustice for yourself and your family.
These conversations should not, cannot and will not end this week. Grace as a church will be entering into conversations surrounding race via zoom at 7:00 on Wednesday nights. You and your teenage children are invited to join us. Each week we will read, view or hear a resource around the topic of race and discuss what we heard. We also will be releasing resources for you and your family. Thank you for hearing my confession, please join me as we try to do better.
