Like a wooded trail, full of ups and downs, puddles, rocks and hills, so is our journey in life.  Finding the path to take, one’s journey, one’s purpose can be hard.  Sometimes that path is full of hard rocks, waterfalls and mountains.  Yet sometimes, and for some people, it seems smooth, without any hard paths.  Why is it that?  Why do some people have a smooth journey, while others have a rough one?  Why?

I recently had the opportunity to walk a labyrinth.  It was a beautiful day with only the sounds of a boat on the lake, geese or ducks or some other birds making sounds and the sun shining down on us. The wind made the leaves and trees sway and made a beautiful, soothing noise that inspired serenity.  The labyrinth was a spiral – one way in – same way out.  As I walked through the labyrinth, I let my bare feet feel the different surfaces that paved the path, the cold stones, the soft hay and the fluffy grass.  I purposefully walked very slowly and as I began the path, I felt out of balance.  Swaying a bit as I started the path felt awkward- I usually walk very fast and to slow down my naturally fast gait, was hard.  And so I began to navigate the labyrinth – starting counterclockwise in an exercise to look back on the path or paths I’ve taken.  Never did I think this experience would bring me so close to God.

With every sharp edge or rough stone I walked on, I felt and thought about the rough times in my life.  Those times where I felt defeated, hopeless.  When I would ask the “why me’s?” and perhaps not hearing a response. Was I even listening?  Was I even ready to hear? 

As I continued to walk, I would take deep breaths and reach out to touch every stone, plant and crystal in the path.  With every step, I would remember times in my life where I found happiness, sadness, success and defeat.  I reached the center and laid on the grass looking up at the sky.  The sky was a bright, beautiful blue.  No clouds.  There were 4 or 5 trees surrounding me and their canopy left an uneven circle of sky in the middle.  This imperfect circle had an opening of sorts that I interpreted to be the entry or exit way to this “zen” I was now feeling.  I let the Spirit call on me.

Walking my way back through the labyrinth – now in a clockwise direction – I walked through the same stones, hay and grass.  I touched the same rocks, plants and crystals.  Yet they seemed different.  I seemed different.  What had just happened? 

So many times, we find ourselves thinking there is no way out.  Why even bother? Why is my life so difficult when others have it so easy?  Why do people look at me differently?  I wish I was dead – that would take the pain away.  But then, what would happen to those I love?  I’m so ugly.  I’m dumb.  I’ll just cut myself to ease the pain.  Why is there so much darkness in my life?  Let me just smile and laugh – that may fool people about how I’m really feeling.  Aargh – I don’t care.  Nobody cares about me anyway.  I love life.  I love my family.  I wish I was dead.  Where’s God?  There’s nothing that can take this pain away.

Those were not my words. 

Those were the words of depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses speaking.  Pain, despair, hopelessness.  Words and feelings that are close to me and others.  Words and feelings that hurt so much because we don’t understand.  Words and feelings of shame, stigma, suffering.  Like the spiral in the labyrinth I walked I envision is the feeling of life for those with mental illness.  A spiral with no way out.  But, just like the spiral I walked where there was a way out, so too can we help those with mental illness find their way back through the spiral, through the rough paths, the almost drowning waterfalls, the ever so high mountains.  With faith, hope and love we can climb mountains.  We can reach the surface, we can walk the way.  Together.  With God.

In Romans 5: 1-5, it says:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.  And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

• Frances Fernandez